Bleach

Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before.
And if I ever need someone to come along...
who's gonna comfort me and keep me stong?

Ending song of Bleach. It's the first time I've seen the anime that my friend gave to me. I started watching a couple of episodes and now it's three in the morning and I still couldn't sleep. I've led my guard down too low that I let my heart do the thinking too much. I cried on the first few episodes... maybe up until episode 7 or was it 8. I am such a sucker with too much happy ending or sad moments in movies and in this case anime.

Eversince I was young, my dad thought me not to cry... or atleast not in front of him. Whenever my dad scold me and sees me crying, I would get a slap on the face. He would then tell me that he doesn't want to see me cry. There was nothing to cry about. Even if he would scold me, he would tell me to fight for what I believe in and then I would speak up. That stop the moment I learned to hold my tears. Having parents as a Human Rights Activist while growing up was really hard. Knowing that almost everyday of my childhood days they would go home from their work trying not to carry the sad memories or moments of what they went through, or the sadness of others. Sometimes, it's hard to ask for help from them with my silly problems about boys or about my brother picking on me.

I grew up well enough to know things. Still, I never really know how to express love and affection since they were always tough on us -- my brother and I. The attention that I needed or wanted wasn't there much or maybe they were too tired they didn't notice. But when they have time they are there for us. Growing up, I learned to express my sadness through my writtings, my poems, hard work, and created (maybe) an excuse to cry while watching sad movies.

So maybe, right now... this is my way of expressing what I'm feeling. When I sleep, it'll be over and when I wake up -- I'll be alright.

Listening to: John Meyer's "Love Song For No One"