Giving up on anything

Am I a lesser being, if I give up on something? Am I a lesser person, if I stop hoping that he'll be back in my arms? If people keep on telling me that it's not good for me to be in this state. It's so easy for any one to tell me to let it go though I am still hoping that things will be return to were it was, but when?

I'm so afraid that if it took too long then I would start to forget. 'He' is the second person that I really love; that I really gave my whole heart to but this is what I got in return. The gift of nothingness, I feel so empty again. This shouldn't be the reason why I am living but it is. I kept myself to go on living just to wait for my love to really be (forever) there for me.

I had a dream before... or rather a nightmare. That I was already happy with my single life; that I've forgotten about him and thought of marrying a certain guy someone who's always there even if my feelings with him is just ok when suddenly 'he' comes into the room and talked to me... out of the blue... saying that he realized that he's lost without me and that I'm the only one he really love and really needs for the rest of his life.

I then woke up and felt like crying, though no tears fell or even came out.

Earlier, there was someone from a group that I'm in talked to me in YM. Asking me to attend their EB, but I've been inactive with that group for years now, why the sudden call? Then he added "if your boyfriend doesn't mind." I replied that I don't want to go and that I don't have a boyfriend anymore. Then he suddenly blurted out "Oh? So who's your next victim then?" (VICTIM?! what the hell?!) I quickly told him, "If I didn't know better that that one was a joke and not a very funny one." I quickly turned my YM to invisible mode. (Gawd) He has not met me yet, not even once, or even knows me that much to say such a thing and that made me think that these bunch of MEN are real jerks. To hell with all of them jerk, I'd say.

So tell me, should I really give up hoping? Then a friend of mine said to me that it is really up to me to decide if I should give up. Alas, I am still stubborn as before. It took me two years to stop hoping but never did I let go of my love for him. On the fourth year of being single, I heard that he got married and that's when I finally let go. Then I fell in love again, and this is what I get in return. Maybe I loved too much.

*listens to that song again*