What is sadder?

Finding out that what you thought was a friend doesn’t see you as one or the other way around? As they say, if you try too hard you’d look pathetic.

I’ve tried my best to be a friend but of all my efforts, they weren’t seen. I had that experience back in college. I have a bunch of friends who I thought were real friends but they were just there when its fun. They never did ask any helping hand and that’s when it really hurt me. I had an early off from one of my classes and decided to go to the room where most of my “friends” hang out. I’m always the silent type, then I over heard one talking about me. I didn’t go in and decided to eves drop on the conversation. “So what about Diwa?” one of them asked with such a loud voice.

“Have you noticed? Was she ever a friend to any of you?”

All of them said “no” and they were silent. That is when I felt this pain in my heart. When they asked for help, I’d drop everything and go to them. They didn’t see that I was reaching out when they had any problem all those times. They didn’t see that if they want someone to listen or to talk to…I am here. I walked away with my head hanging down. So, what how was it that they let me hang out with them all those times. Was it just because of the Dungeon’s and Dragon’s (table top) that they made me stay in their group? Was it just the Magic (the gathering) that had playing with me as I try to beat them?

Lately, I found myself counting. Who are my real friends? I remember one of my friends that said to me after a few weeks that I over heard them... “Friends will never always be there for you. And you should know how to walk on your own.” I’ve been walking on my own since I could remember. I’ve been independent ever since I could remember.

Why did I bring this up? It hit me once again... two days ago. Ignorance could often be bliss but not all the time. I fear that some of the people I am friends with right now don’t see me as a friend. I’m only fun to hang around but not to the point that I am a friend to them. My friend gave me a link to this thread that showed a whole new point of view on John’s (Garfield’s owner) little world. John’s life was sadder than it should as I go through every post. John was trying too hard to get attention from Garfield and Garfield didn’t say a word in each post.

It actually affected me in a small way, trying to talk to someone as if they’re just air. I don’t like the feeling of being ignored. I guess, I’ll just shy myself away again, until someone finally noticed that I’m no longer at their presence.