Trails of Thoughts
If I have one wish, I'd wish every decision I will make be the right one, to make a better me. And what is a better me? That I do not know. I thought I was someone who can make something out of the ordinary. I guess, I thought too highly of myself and when I failed, I snap like a piece of chalk trying to put her mark over the huge black board.
Now, I am back from the start again, I still see traces of whom I used to but I no longer want to look back from it. It would only hurt. In a few weeks time, I'll be working in a new company, totally different from what I am doing now. I ask myself, is this the right decision? Will I be regretting it?
The first thing that went into my head, every decision one makes is their own and one has to realize the risk. I used to be this person who doesn't give a damn about risks. I would take the challenge head-on. Where is it now? My pride is still trying to recover from my past mistake. I don't know, I really don't know what to do when I get there.
Some people are blessed on how to think ahead. I, for one, think only what the 'now' is. I don't really think big, but I know I have dreams and goals. I used to have this list of what I want to accomplish. I had a few of them and I am glad about it, proud even. But, the moment I share that to someone who is really important to me, he never seems to appreciate it. But whenever I turn my back, he'd boast to his friend that I'm this and I'm that. I could only sigh and from that moment, you must realize this "I don't need to please anyone but myself".
I am happy where I am, why can't they be happy with me?
I forgot the movie that I heard those lines but it stuck into my head like glue. "I do understand and that's why it's disappointing." We all get sad and depress because something let us down and we do understand, that is why it hurts; why it is disappointing. Knowledge is such a burden, as the wise would give me another quote "ignorance is bliss."
I could give out a hundred quotes just to satisfy my thirst for answers but it will really never make my heart be content. When we were born, we were never given a choice if we want to be born but here we are and what are we to do with our own life? We live them the way we know how.
I know that inside me somewhere that never wants to grow up, and that is my heart. My mind would sometimes play around acting a few years older than my actual age. Sometimes, I'd act like a kid who just got her first balloon. Some people outgrew that part, and it makes me think should I be doing the same?
...nah!
This is my life. I will live it the way I know.
Now, I am back from the start again, I still see traces of whom I used to but I no longer want to look back from it. It would only hurt. In a few weeks time, I'll be working in a new company, totally different from what I am doing now. I ask myself, is this the right decision? Will I be regretting it?
The first thing that went into my head, every decision one makes is their own and one has to realize the risk. I used to be this person who doesn't give a damn about risks. I would take the challenge head-on. Where is it now? My pride is still trying to recover from my past mistake. I don't know, I really don't know what to do when I get there.
Some people are blessed on how to think ahead. I, for one, think only what the 'now' is. I don't really think big, but I know I have dreams and goals. I used to have this list of what I want to accomplish. I had a few of them and I am glad about it, proud even. But, the moment I share that to someone who is really important to me, he never seems to appreciate it. But whenever I turn my back, he'd boast to his friend that I'm this and I'm that. I could only sigh and from that moment, you must realize this "I don't need to please anyone but myself".
I am happy where I am, why can't they be happy with me?
"I hope you'd understand."
"I do understand and that's why it's disappointing."
I forgot the movie that I heard those lines but it stuck into my head like glue. "I do understand and that's why it's disappointing." We all get sad and depress because something let us down and we do understand, that is why it hurts; why it is disappointing. Knowledge is such a burden, as the wise would give me another quote "ignorance is bliss."
I could give out a hundred quotes just to satisfy my thirst for answers but it will really never make my heart be content. When we were born, we were never given a choice if we want to be born but here we are and what are we to do with our own life? We live them the way we know how.
I know that inside me somewhere that never wants to grow up, and that is my heart. My mind would sometimes play around acting a few years older than my actual age. Sometimes, I'd act like a kid who just got her first balloon. Some people outgrew that part, and it makes me think should I be doing the same?
...nah!
This is my life. I will live it the way I know.
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