Happiness

I was reading and looking at the old old mailing list of the Power-Poets ground and found most of my old poems there.

This one is entitled: Happiness and I wrote it back in July 21, 2002.
The note that what I wrote is not based on my family background. I had a twisted mind. LOL.

Happiness
July 21, 2002


I wake up with a smile every morning,

My mom says she loves me,

My dad loves my hard work and dedication,

Our family gets along,



We go on vacations at least once a year,

I have many real life friends,

I hang out with my firends,

Everything is perfect.



The perfect reality hits my head,

I feel the pain of millions of nails stuck in my head,

Then I start to become numb,

How could this have happened you ask?

I have lied to u from the start.



Every morning I wake up in rage,

My mom yells at me ever min. she has,

My dad wants to beat me up but I know how to fight back,

so that is why
he doesn't.



I use to work 77hrs a week,

I have not had one day of a vocation,

I am sitting here typing,

just waiting for my mom to go to work

so I won't have someone yelling at me.



I wonder what they really want from me,

I have given them all my money,

all my love,

I have no more.

I have a rock for a heart.

I don't feel anymore,

what is love?

what is a good feeling?

what is a friend?

what is fun?

I don't know what any of those things mean,

beware of my anger since that is the only thing that exists,
now.



I sit in my room,

but the door is open.

There is no security,

no safe feeling,

what is a home?

what is a family?

who can answer me?



I have looked those words up in the dictionary many times,

I have read many peoples work discribing them,

I am still searching for my answers since I haven't found them.



People are always calling me,

I am always willing to help to the fullest.

I love to help those in need.

But who helps the one who helps?



I have no one to talk to,

to tell them of my problems.

to tell them of the good things.

Everyone wants something from me,

but no one is giving anything to me.



I am alone as this poem,

just black text on a white background.

Although these words may have a deeper meaning,

I for one am
empty.

I think my mom has left so I might as well find something to do,

something that no one will
get mad at,

But what is there to do?

I have no friends,

I have no social life,

I have no family,

am I even human?

I don't think I am anymore,

all I have is a brain,

someone find my heart

I think I flushed it down the drain.

It was pretty big,

so it shouldn't be hard to find,

I don't care if it has gotten rotten or abused,

but I want my heart back please.



I will end this poem,

but many more have come about such as this.

this is an every day thing.