Time and Again

Ever felt that sometimes even how much you try to change your life, it feels like it's still monotonous? Is it really that hard to change? or is it that destiny is really calling the cards? Ever since I got another job, I thought that this is a good chance to prove myself and yet some how something is missing. Maybe, it's too soon to tell.

Desperately seeking for approval, for resolution, for self-achievement. Sometimes and most of the time, we all know what needs to be done? The problem most likely would be either "laziness/tardiness" or "fear". I worry not for myself since everything seems to be going too well, I just need to learn time management. I worry for my brother. I do not know how I can share my passion, that strive to get something done but I cannot be a good example. No, I have not been a very good example but I know the fact that when I need to get a job even if I don't want it, I try...

For some people, they face the challenges head on and some would think of a way to get away from it all. I had those moments when I want to break free, but I cannot in my conscience have the people who I love be affected by what I do. So, I re-think my life. Set goals and just take what little pride I have to live a 'normal' life. But this 'normal' life that I want seems so far away.

I need my friends, my family and my love to keep me going. I'm a sad example of a person who needs re-assurance. I do think that I have manic depression but I try to keep it at a low degree. I am glad that my loving cousins, my good friends, and my best friend (Ian) are there when I feel so bad about many things. I'm sometimes afraid of letting my frustrations out since some people doesn't want to listen and only act like a friend only when things are happy.

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